This is a great post from Erin Pavlina.

I feel there is a certain amount of specifics that is required in order to attract what you want. It is so that the universe knows what to deliver to you.

But she brings up a very good point that you cannot be specific about a) a person's actions i.e. to attract someone specific. This is because they have their own intentions. And b) how the universe is going to deliver what you want to you, so be open.

Read her post:

I frequently receive emails from people who want to attract specific people into their lives. Recently, someone wrote to me wanting to attract an ex-boyfriend back into her life. She felt they were meant to be together and she wanted to use the law of attraction to manifest him back into her life. Here is part of what she wrote to me:

"Is there any way to attract a specific person to call or come back into your life? Everyone else seems to say this is impossible with the law of attraction. What do you say? Is it futile? What if this is truly something I want to attract?"

Since I get asked variations on this question I thought it would be good to address it in a blog entry. This is what I wrote back to her:

"When you want someone to do something, that is not law of attraction. When you want something for yourself that you are hoping will come from a specific person that is law of attraction with limits. When you decide that you want a loving relationship and that you are open to receiving it any way the universe wants to bring it to you then that’s law of attraction and being a vibrational match for it.

Because another person is involved and this person has his own intentions you cannot control what he will do, and you cannot ask the universe to force someone to feel a certain way about you.

Now, that is not to say that he will not come back into your life. It could actually happen that way. But you can’t ask the universe to bring you a certain person. That’s like black magic or mind control in the sense that you are asking the universe to make something happen. What you really want to do is open yourself to receive a loving relationship and prepare yourself to receive that love. What if the universe is trying to send you the perfect guy and you are insisting it be this other one?"

Besides love, people often try to use the law of attraction to manifest something very specific when what they really should do is be open. Sometimes being specific prevents you from getting what you really want. For example, people often ask me how they can use the law of attraction to win the lottery. I ask them if they want to win the lottery or have a lot of money. They usually say they just want to be rich. To which I reply, “Well, surely the lottery is one way to accomplish that, but by trying to manifest a lottery win you are blocking the universe from bringing you money some other way.” When you decide in advance how something must manifest for you then you close the door on other ways it can manifest. Why do that? Keep all your options open. Let the universe figure out the how, you just figure out the why.

The why is the most important part of the law of attraction because that’s what makes you a vibrational match for your desire. The “what” part is easy. I want money. I want time. I want to relax. I want a loving relationship. I want a good meal. That’s like looking at the menu at the restaurant of life and deciding what you want to eat. But the why is like handing your money to the cashier and getting a receipt. That’s what puts you in vibrational harmony with your desire. Without the cash it’s just thinking out loud. In my experience, if you don’t have a clear enough “why” then your intention probably won’t manifest.

When you find yourself crafting an intention make sure you are not trying to decide how it will manifest. Be open to any and all ways that the universe might bring your desire to you. Then start looking for signs that your order is on its way.

Original Article>>

Tags: Law of Attraction, Relationships, Tips, External Articles

Here is a good read on relationships by Georgie Maddison:

More science… the Law of Attraction and family relationships is no longer a secret. Researchers at Yale University have blown its anonymity.

"… only a small fraction of how people gauge their partners’ responsiveness to their needs is based on what the partners do. Most of it is based on what they themselves do and feel," say Margaret Clark, faculty author and psychology professor, and co-authors Edward Lemay and Brooke Feeney.

“In studies of marriage we’ve found that what people report they do for their partners is a better predictor of what they think their spouse does for them than are the spouse’s own reports of what was done,” they said.

In other words, as proponents of the universal law of attraction have maintained for centuries, and speakers in the movie DVD The Secret re-popularised again last year, you get what you ask for.

If your partner is a louse, odds are you are, too. If s/he is the most caring, inspiring soul alive, s/he's probably second only to you.

Clark calls this 'projection of responsiveness'. In essence, "you see your partner as about as responsive to your welfare as you are to your partner’s welfare, regardless of the partner’s true behavior,” Clark said.

Interestingly, exercise physiologists see parallels in this behavior within the individual. And this may be a whole new tack for relationship counselors to ponder.

If you've ever developed a strong motivation to start exercising, yet seen the drive to actually do it fizzle within days or weeks, you can probably relate to this.

Think also about how your relationship is now compared with how you would like it to be.

The key is separating the notions of 'motivation' and 'drive'.

Motivation is primarily a cognitive, or mental process. You decide you need to exercise. Drive - acting on the decision reached through motivation - is primarily an emotional process. You actually have to do the exercise.

Exercise time comes, you feel a bit down, leave the session until 'tomorrow'… and you know just how long the resolution lasts. Ditto New Year's resolutions, and relationship improvements.

The law of attraction, 'the secret', is to decide what you want, believe you will get it as surely as you get what you order in a restaurant, and then - just as you probably do in a restaurant - accept delivery of that order.

How do you do that? You emotionally pre-live receipt of that order… involving all the relevant senses including salivation.

Now, relate that back to your relationship. What are you asking for, and what expectations are you pre-living?

The Yale researchers said they conducted the studies because "an essential feature of the health and well-being of a mutual communal relationship is believing that one’s partner cares about one’s welfare and will attend and respond to one’s desires, needs, and goals".

"Not only do people who care about their partners perceive that their partners in turn care about them, they become more satisfied with their relationship over time," they said.

So they pre-live the emotions they want from the relationship. In fact, so intensely do we pre-live them, that we make them our normal behavior, with full emotional involvement. We establish our own 'norm', reflecting out the behavior we want in return.

In other words, w e utilize the Law of Attraction.

Be warned, however, that just like the Law of Gravity, the Law of Attraction is neutral. No good, no bad. It just is. Ask and you shall receive. Give out bad vibes, get back bad vibes. Give out good vibes, get back good vibes. Just as the Yale study found.

“Sadly, the flip side is true too,” Clark said. “Those who are uncaring believe their apathy is reciprocated, which undermines their satisfaction.”

Armed with that powerful insight, how are you going to approach your family, your lover, your partner, your workmates next time you see them?

I like that old truism… point your finger at someone else, and notice how many fingers are pointing back at you.

Do you find that terrifying… or exciting? And what are you going to do about it?

Original Article>>

Tags: Law of Attraction, The Secret, Relationships, External Articles

Here is another interesting post I found on relationships or specifically about dating. I have found many of the things that Brian Lee writes about resonating with my own thoughts.

I especially appreciated his thoughts about desperation and how it is unproductive to using The Law of Attraction. Not only in dating but in any aspect.

He writes:

The Harder you Try… It seems counterintuitive to think that trying hard might actually hurt your chances of getting something that you want, but let’s examine it on the subconscious level. Just like trying to find an answer to a problem, trying really hard in dating reinforces the fact to your subconscious that you don’t have what you want. As your subconscious keeps getting messages that you don’t have what you want, the Law of Attraction brings you more of what your subconscious is thinking and feeling.

The same principle applies to excessive feelings of want. The more you want something, the more desperate you are to get it. Desperation, by Law of Attraction, breeds more desperation and less of what you want.

Sometimes it is just that we want something so much in our lives that we would just about do anything to get it. Then we find and discover something amazing like The Law of Attraction to get it is what we want. But because we want it so bad that it starts not to work we get frustrated and therefore attract more frustration. The point is....in order to receive what it is you want, you put it out there to the universe, but in order to receive it you must have clarity. Clarity comes when you are relaxed and confident, knowing that what you want is here, now.

Read below for the full article:

Why do some guys seem to have all the luck with women? Why do some women go for jerks? Is it possible to make ourselves more attractive?

Sexual attraction is a complex phenomenon that we may never fully understand. It can be so counterintuitive that sometimes success seems out of our control and so illogical that some people just give up.

What makes us attractive? The first thing that comes to mind is physical attractiveness: being in good shape, being well groomed, having attractive features, or dressing well. Some scientists think that attractiveness is related to the symmetry of our facial features. Others have complex theories about the spacing of features.

Science aside, most people agree to some extent on what makes someone physically attractive. While different people have different preferences, physical attractiveness is something that is very intuitive.

My biopsychology professor in college claimed that attractiveness could be explained biologically by a person’s interest in preserving their DNA. He taught that women were attracted to men with resources (so that they could protect them and their offspring) and that men were attracted to women with the characteristics of fertility (who would be more likely to bear multiple children.)

While this theory seems to have worked well in our society, it certainly isn’t the only factor affecting attractiveness. There are plenty of physically attractive, rich men who don’t have any luck with women, and plenty of men without money (or looks) who do just fine.

No matter how good-looking or biologically attractive you are, there must be some sort of chemistry between you and someone else before there is attraction. Every one knows what it is, but chemistry is a very difficult thing to quantify. Some people are better at creating it than others, but why?

The type of attractiveness that transcends physical or biological attractiveness is what I call spiritual attractiveness. Spiritual attractiveness is a kind of gravity that creates the chemistry that draws people together. While physical and biological attractiveness are hard to change, you can actually do something about spiritual attractiveness.

Clues

Over years of observing the opposite sex, I’ve picked up on a few interesting tendencies in dating that hold true on average. Maybe they can help us figure out how spiritual attraction works.

Clue #1: Ignorance is Bliss
When I was in high school, I downplayed the fact that I was in advanced classes because smart kids were “nerds.” I wanted to be more like the “cool” kids. It seems as if intelligence can have an adverse affect on spiritual attractiveness.


This is how I imagine the spiritual attractiveness curve would look like if someone was able to plot it against intelligence on a graph. While there are different types of intelligence, for the sake of this discussion I am referring to people who are “book smart” (meaning they do well in school).

At the very lowest levels of intelligence, attractiveness is also low for obvious reasons. A person needs a basic level of cognitive ability before the opposite sex will consider him. The first peak of attractiveness on my chart is at a relatively low level of intelligence. At this level, a person is smart enough to function in society, but not so smart that he questions himself.

I imagine that spiritual attractiveness starts to diminish as intelligence increases past this first level. The more intelligent a person is, the more he overanalyzes himself to the point of killing his confidence. When confidence is gone and intelligence is relatively high, the attractiveness curve dips to its lowest point at full “nerdiness.”

If you are reading this article, my guess is that you are an intelligent person and at this point, you’re either offended or depressed. If this is the case, don’t click away just yet. In my model, the most attractive people of all are also the most intelligent. This is because I believe that a person has the ability to figure out where he went wrong and increase his spiritual attractiveness.

Clue #2: The Harder You Try, the Less Attractive You Are
This is probably the most frustrating aspect of dating. When I first started trying to meet girls, it seemed like I could never win the heart of the one I went after. There was a direct correlation between how hard I tried and how miserably I failed.

How many times have you heard the same old story of a girl who keeps going back to her jerk of an ex-boyfriend? It’s as if no matter how hard you try, she always goes back to the guy who doesn’t care about her.

At the risk of sounding like my entire philosophy is based on the movie “Swingers,” it illustrates this point perfectly. Mike, played by John Favreau, is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend through most of the movie. He constantly checks his messages to see if she called.

His friends finally coax him to try to loosen up and see what else is out there. To their dismay, he messes up several opportunities because he can’t let her go. At the climax of the movie, he learns to relax enough to have a really great time with another girl. He regains his confidence and wouldn’t you know it, the minute he forgets about his ex, she calls.

Clue #3: Feast or Famine
My friends and I used to joke that in dating, it was “feast or famine,” meaning that opportunities seemed to come all at once or not at all. During long droughts without the possibility of a date, I thought that I would never find anyone. Then, out of nowhere there would be two or three girls interested. Why did this happen?

For some reason, people in relationships seem to be more attractive. When you get into a relationship and stop dating, all of a sudden everyone wants to date you. When I worked as a bartender, some of the cocktail waitresses I worked with wore fake wedding rings hoping to fend off predatory men, but instead, it only increased unwanted approaches.

The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction was introduced to the world by “The Secret,” a movie about attracting what you want into your life. I would recommend this movie to anyone who wants to get a better understanding of why life tends to unfold the way it does. The Law states that your thoughts and feelings manifest into your reality. Could this help to explain the mystery of dating?

At first glance, it doesn’t seem to help. If the law is true, then why does trying too hard reduce attractiveness? In this way of thinking, it would seem logical to assume that if a person has strong thoughts and feelings for someone else, then they would attract the other person into their life by trying; but just the opposite seems to happen.

And what about intelligence? Aren’t smart people better at thinking? Shouldn’t they therefore be better at attracting things into their lives via thoughts?

The Law of Subtlety

One piece of wisdom that has helped me immensely in my life is the idea that the difference between success and failure in life is often subtle. If it were more clear, then many more people would choose success.

In light of this, I like to ask myself what piece of information the majority of people are missing. What wisdom is in front of my eyes, but does not seem obvious?

The Subconscious

Often, the answer to this question is given to me by my subconscious. I find that if I have been working on a problem for hours without an answer, the best thing to do is to put the problem down and do something completely different. I change my environment, relax, and forget about it, then… poof… the answer magically appears.
Sometimes the best way to attract an elusive answer is to declare that you seek it, and then completely forget about it by retreating to a state of relaxation, comfort, and security. I think that the Law of Attraction can provide some insight into this kind of problem solving. Let’s take a closer look:

What is the difference in your subconscious mental state between desperately trying to solve the problem and relaxing? As you are wrestling with the problem, subconsciously you are feeling desperate. The harder you reach for the answer, the more you are confirming to yourself that you do not have the answer. Even if you are showing confidence on the outside, your subconscious keeps recreating the reality of being without the answer.

In a relaxed state, the pressure is taken off of your subconscious. By feeling good, you are projecting confidence that the answer will come. The subconscious is free to get creative and deliver your answer.

This line of reasoning might also help to explain some of our dating clues.

Subconscious Dating

Ignorance is bliss… Why does intelligence seem to hinder attractiveness up to a certain level? At first it would seem logical to assume that since smarter people are better thinkers, the Law of Attraction must make them more spiritually attractive, but I think that the truth is a more subtle.

As intelligence increases, the ability to question also increases. People with above average intelligence tend to question themselves more which erodes their confidence at the subconscious level.

The Law of Attraction works when the mind’s thoughts and feelings are focused on one outcome. If you are constantly questioning yourself, you are confusing your subconscious with mixed signals.

Can you see how ignorance might really be bliss? A blissfully ignorant person doesn’t question themselves all the time and has the advantage of remaining focused on their goal.

The most attractive people of all have learned not to question themselves. They have great confidence in their intelligence and spiritual attractiveness.

The Harder you Try… It seems counterintuitive to think that trying hard might actually hurt your chances of getting something that you want, but let’s examine it on the subconscious level. Just like trying to find an answer to a problem, trying really hard in dating reinforces the fact to your subconscious that you don’t have what you want. As your subconscious keeps getting messages that you don’t have what you want, the Law of Attraction brings you more of what your subconscious is thinking and feeling.

The same principle applies to excessive feelings of want. The more you want something, the more desperate you are to get it. Desperation, by Law of Attraction, breeds more desperation and less of what you want.

The paradox, of course, is that it’s easier to get something that you don’t want than something you want badly. This concept is well known by master negotiators. The side that can walk away from the deal because they have options has the power.

This may sound unromantic or inhuman. You’re probably thinking “it’s no fun to not want anything!” In response, I don’t think that the Law of Attraction is telling us not to want anything, but instead to control our feelings of excessive want. Desire is natural and human, but desperation is a sign of unbalance.

Feast or Famine… The subtleties of the Law of Attraction can help to explain this phenomenon. If you are in a “dry spell” because you haven’t had a date in awhile, you are subconsciously confirming feelings of loneliness. As your subconscious feels alone, the Law of Attraction brings you more of it.

As soon as you get a date, your subconscious feels great! Your confidence comes back and the Law of Attraction makes you more attractive.

How to Become More Attractive

The real lesson of all of this is to develop yourself from the inside until you love yourself enough that your confidence and self-assurance shines through from your subconscious so that all the world can see.

The most attractive people of all are extremely secure and at ease with themselves. Once you are so comfortable with yourself that you don’t need anyone else to make you happy, the Law of Attraction will bring you what you have wanted all along.

I am not talking about arrogance, conceit, or egotism because all of these paradigms come from insecurity. Insecure people tend to hide behind facades of pretend confidence.

The fake confidence approach might work in the short run, but since it is built on a lie, it eventually collapses. People with fake confidence tend to attract insecure partners. This, of course, is the recipe for a bad relationship filled with jealousy and mistrust.

Secure people tend to attract partners who are also secure. A relationship between two people who trust not only themselves, but each other, is a thing of beauty! Ironically, the happiest relationships in the world are between two people who are happy with themselves.

Since the two people don’t depend on each other, they can focus on giving instead of getting. Since they don’t need each other to make them happy, they can focus on making each other even happier. Since they trust that they would be okay without the other, they are free to trust the relationship.

Developing true security and self-love takes a lot of work. You have to spend a lot of time getting to know yourself before you can start to build this level of self-trust. The path is difficult, but the rewards are invaluable. Not only will you be more attractive, but your power will expand until the world is at your fingertips.

Original Article>>

Tags: Relationships, Dating, Law of Attraction, External Articles, My Thoughts

I wanted to put this post I found into my blog as I wanted to put something here that shares with people that The Law of Attraction can be used to improve anything in your life and not just your financial woes. It is a really good read about how to use The Law of Attraction for relationships.

It is done in a Q&A format where Anne has asked for help on improving her relationship and Anisa Aven of www.creatavision.com has given some feedback. See below:

Question:
What can I do to improve my current relationship? I
don't want or need to attract someone new, I've done that
before, I just want my marriage to be happier and more
fulfilling now. How do I make the law of attraction work
when I'm already in a relationship? - Anne

Answer:
Here's what you do... you give up, hit yourself over the
head at just the right spot and inflict amnesia. Then, you
fall madly in love again with your partner... just like you
did in the beginning.

You may think I'm kidding, but only about the hitting
yourself in the head part.

In order to re-create a relationship, you must forgive,
forget, and release any belief that prevents you from fully
accepting your partner.

The Law of Attraction is constantly at work, magnetizing and
pulling into our life whatever we put our attention upon.
When we are in a relationship, we 'log data' on a daily
basis based on our interaction with our mate and that's what
we tend to put our attention upon. We forget that we are
now attracting what we logged, not what we want!

We log data everyday in a relationship; sometimes we log the
data intentionally.

"Stargazers are her favorite flowers."

"He doesn't like onions."

When we are intentional, we make a conscious choice to
remember these details because that's how we make sure our
mates feel loved.

You know how good it is to have your honey bring you a cup
of coffee in the morning, prepared exactly the way you like
it.

You also know how lousy it feels when your honey doesn't
know whether you like mayonnaise or mustard after 5 years of
marriage.

Most of the time, however, we log data based on our love-
experiences of the past and our quick assumptions of the
moment.

For example, let's say you make your honey a fabulous 6
course meal. She shows up and says,

"Oh, I ate already." You say, "Didn't you remember that I was making you dinner?"
She says, "Yes... but I'm sorry I couldn't wait, I was really hungry. I'll have some later."

Do you take it personally?

Most likely you do. Your feelings are hurt. You then log some decisions that may look like:

She is really selfish.

She doesn't care enough about how much of an effort I made.

I must not be very important to her.

She doesn't love me enough.

I'm not important.

The next time she does something similar, these thoughts
become more pronounced and the next time, they are pretty
much full blown beliefs about his/her overall personality
and their love for you.

The great thing about the law of attraction (LOA) is that it
is absolutely 100% of the time consistent and congruent.
If you can have amnesia - and refuse to remember ANY of the
negative experiences, or negative judgments, then you can
re-create a relationship fresh.

One exercise that you can start with is to set a timer and
journal for 20 minutes. Write down everything that you
don't like about your current relationship. Do a major brain
dump. Don't worry about sentence structure or explaining or
justifying why you feel this way. Just get the bullet
points out on paper.

For example, Don't like her attitude towards slow drivers
Don't like the way she rolls her eyes at me Don't like his
defensiveness Don't like the fact that he is away every
weekend hunting or fishing She's aloof. He's sarcastic.
She's insensitive. He's uninterested.

Then, go back over your list and answer two questions:

Question 1

If this issue never changes, and for the rest of my life
it will always be like this, am I willing to choose to be
happy with it?

If yes, then this issue can be re-created and/or resolved to
a place where at least you can choose to be happy and create a more fulfilling relationship.

If no, then this is a non-negotiable. You will have a much
harder time re-creating a non-negotiable because you will be
very attached to the outcome. You'll use the same
techniques as with the other issues, but you must also be
willing to let the relationship go or accept it as is as
well.

For the "Yes, I am willing to accept that this is the way
that it will be for the rest of my life and choose to be
happy anyway" issues, here's your second question and work:

1st - Release your memories and negative emotions
surrounding the issue. (Some suggestions - use EFT -
Emotional Freedom Technique for Relationships, Meditation,
Prayer, or Radical Forgiveness.)

2nd - Be willing to both have what you want and be willing
to never have what you want. Find neutrality!

3rd - Using your list of 'don't likes' to find the opposite.


Question 2

Ask/answer:

"What's the opposite of this issue? If I don't want
____the issue___ what do I want instead?"

For example, make another column:

Don't Want:	Do Want:
1 - Don't like her attitude towards slow drivers	1 - Tolerance, to feel comfortable
2 - Don't like his defensiveness	2 - Positive communication, comfortable, flowing conversations, to feel secure and make sure he feels secure.
3 - She's aloof.	3 - Engaged, connected, to feel special, to be mutually involved and interested
4 - She's insensitive.	4 - To feel cared for, to feel sensitivity from my mate, to be taken into consideration.

Now, which column do you put your attention upon to apply
the law of attraction?

To activate the Law of Attraction, you must focus in on the
opposite of what you don't want, in order to attract what
you do want.

Another example of how you would take your attention to the
next level:

If you don't like her attitude towards slow drivers, what do
you want instead?

Answer: I want to feel comfortable driving with my mate. I
want to feel detached, safe, free, comfortable, forgiving
and loving. I want her actions or reactions to roll off
like 'water off a duck's back'. I am thankful to now feel
safe, secure, and comfortable in the car with my mate.

If you don't like his defensiveness, what do you want
instead?

Answer: Instead of defensiveness, I want security and
comfortable, flowing, allowing communication. I want to
communicate freely with my mate and I want him to feel
secure and comfortable with whatever authentic truth I may
have to share. I want to feel inspired to know what to say
and how to say it so that he feels loved, supported,
uplifted, and secure. I am thankful and accepting of my
mate. I make sure he feels loved and cherished at all
times. I see our communication becoming easier and easier
and more fulfilling.

With enough detachment and re-directed focus, you will begin
behaving differently which in turn will inspire your mate to
begin behaving differently.

Imagine each and every scenario intimately. Add real
emotions, excitement, confidence, clarity and certainty to
every vision.

Then, catch yourself and your mate doing it 'right' and
acknowledge it!

This is allowing the law of attraction to inspire the
relationship to entirely new heights. You'll be amazed at
how fresh and wonderful your relationship can be when you
focus on what you want as if you already have it. and then
suddenly you'll look up and you really will already have it!

Original Article>>

Tags: Relationships, Law of Attraction, External Articles, Tips, Q & A